Gerry Heidenreich

I ran face-first into my biggest parenting dilemma yet the other night...

My daughter was getting bullied by a boy, 4 days straight.

She was embarrassed to say anything to us, but this kid had been taking her snack, and stealing her pencil so she couldn't do her work with the class.  She was stuck doing her work at home for the last few nights when we finally got it out of her, why she hadn't been doing her work in class.  She said she didn't want to embarrass herself or interrupt her class, so she just kept quiet, and he kept doing it... that bastard.

The first thing that came to mind was simple:  I'd go in there and kick the crap out of him... don't underestimate me, I'd probably have no problem going toe-to-toe with a 2nd grader.  Lucky for him, my wife quickly talked sense into me... then I figured I'd go for his dad... as I was rifling through the other kids' home phone numbers, my wife took the phone and keys away and walked me over to the couch.

She explained to me that getting medieval on some other kid's parents wouldn't solve anything... she methodically talked me down from my hyper state and explained that we needed Natalie to learn to take care of business herself.

I laughed, our daughter was being bullied by a boy...

... but after thinking it through I knew she was right.

So, I put Natalie to bed, and explained that we love her more than anything, and that we know how great she is at solving problems.  We believe that she has what it takes to stop this from happening anymore.  I essentially told her she was on her own.  I told her that bullies would exist throughout her life, and she needed to learn how to handle them.  I explained that the first time you have to stand up to somebody is the hardest.  I explained that she has a proverbial "line in the sand" that no one should ever cross... and when they do, she needs to get them back over the line as quickly as possible.  I told her she would feel good about herself when it was all said and done.  I knew it would be a difficult confrontation... I wished I could do it for her.

The next morning, my wife and I took the kids early, and quickly visited the teacher, explained what was going on, and how we decided to handle it.  She apologized and said she hadn't been aware of any problems, but she would keep an eye on them through the day.  Our girl was on her own now...  we had to go to work.

It was a long day, all I could think about was whether we had done the right thing.

Around 3:00, I got a phone call from a very excited little girl. "I put him in his place daddy!" I could tell she was really proud.  So was I.

I got the details later: The teacher had quietly pulled her aside and explained that she understood there was a problem, and she wanted Natalie to take care of herself; she wouldn't get in trouble for it.  Sure enough, he bothered her again... this time she was waiting for it... She yelled at him this time, catching the attention of her whole class.  He was speechless...  the rest is history.

Bullies suck.